If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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