I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
