hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
