Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
