My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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