Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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