The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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