Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Randomize
