i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
