So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
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Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
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Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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