You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
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