Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
