if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
