speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
