Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
