You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
