I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
