So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
