I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
3pm strippers are depressing
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
