I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
