he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
