Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
