Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
