I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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