We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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