Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
