Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
