ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
