Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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