I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
