Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Hippo gnu deer
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize