last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
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Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
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how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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