morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize
