In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
