Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
