I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
