But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
