the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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