No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
