On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
