My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
high people should be assigned attendants
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
