Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
