It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
