Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
