I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I am spending my child support on dildos
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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