I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
