Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
