youre lurking in front of me
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
