when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
