He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
