Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
