I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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