As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize