This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
