Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
