I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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