so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
