I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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