that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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