Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
