I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
