don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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