they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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