she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
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