oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
