a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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