he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
