I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
BRING THE BAGELS
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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