I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
